Doing a Kindness
by Amaranth Rencor
Summary: Just after they get married, Claire starts to want out. Rick doesn't understand why. He's losing her and has no idea why. Depressing fic. May add 2nd part in 3rd person.


It's been about half a year now, I think…

I thought that it was just some kind of post-wedding-jitters or cold feet or something (wait.. Can cold feet apply after you've gotten married…? ) and that it would blow over in a week or so. Then we could settle into a nice, comfortable setting as husband and wife.

…But it only got worse…

I kept asking her what was wrong and if there was anything I could do, but she'd only glare piercing blue daggers at me.

I'd once fallen in love with those eyes. They used to be filled with love, affection and shyness, on occasions. I couldn't understand what had made my Claire suddenly just up and pull a complete about-face with her once glowing personality.

I tried doing her a kindness and making her a lunch for a while, but it was just left on the table.

Not wanting to waste any more food, I quickly gave up.

I think all this started 3 days after our marriage…

i

"Good morning, Claire."

"Morning, yes. Good… disputable…"/i she grumbled from the table.

I figured she wasn't a morning person.

I leaned down to kiss her check and she suddenly stood.

i"Better get working. Long day ahead; what with this rain…"/i

This continued for a few days until..

i "Why won't you tell me what's wrong so I can help?! Marriage is a partnership!"i

I'd never raised my voice at her before- not like that.

She wheeled around. The beginnings of tears were in her eyes.

i "What happens if it's not something you can fix?! What if it's not something ANYBODY can fix?!"/i

I was about to ask again and she must have sensed this, since she groaned and stormed out the door.

That morning… She didn't just stand up when I tried to kiss her… She pushed me away.

From that point on, I just gave up trying to be affectionate. She wasn't in bed until I was asleep and up before I ever stirred. Well, I assumed she came to bed. For all I know, she could have slept on the hay in the barn and I wouldn't be any the wiser.

The atmosphere hung thick and heavy over the house on the increasingly rarer occasions that the two of us were in it together.

Her birthday rolled around about a month of torturous silence later and although I knew she would want no form of celebration, I couldn't help but prepare dinner that night. I mean, how could anyone still stay sour on their birthday?

I came home early that day, not surprised to see that my wife was not there.

I took my time preparing her favorite foods, even trying to bake a cake ( which didn't turn out so well. I am no pastry chef. ).

I was finished at around six o'clock and waited for Claire.

An hour went by… Then two.

I was starting to fall asleep. The food had cooled long ago, but I didn't care; it could always be reheated again.

When the clock chimed ten times and I still had seen neither hide nor hair of Claire, I got up.

Something had to be wrong. I don't suppose it was unusual that she hadn't come in yet, but something inside me just told me to go looking for her.

But as soon as I'd gotten my coat on and opened the door, I ran into her.

She fell back hard and with a yelp.

"Oh, Claire! I was worried! I'm sorry.." I offered my hand to help her up and she took it without any sort of complaint, verbal or otherwise. In fact, she looked pretty forlorn altogether.

This was the first time I'd really looked at her in a while since at any other time, I'd just have gotten my head snapped off.

She looked… terrible. I mean, it seemed as though she was a candle who was at the end of her wick, just burning out; a shadow of her past roaring flame. She looked sick and tired.

"I was just about to go looking for you.. Where have you been?" I got no answer, but she shoved me away and stood on her own shaky legs.

"Why the hell would it matter to iyou/i, Rick? It's not any of your business!" her voice was rough and venomous.

"Well iexcuse me/i for caring about you! I figured that just maybe these bands on our fingers meant that we had the right to be worried when the other doesn't come home on her own--!" I sighed and gave up, rubbing my temples. Yelling wasn't going to fix anything, and besides, it was her birthday.

Taking a moment to collect my thoughts and allowing Claire to settle, I asked, " You remember what today is, right?"

She gave me a grimace. "Yeah.. It's nothing special…" She trailed off as her eyes roamed over the food and I swear I saw her whole face soften at the sight. But it was only an instant and then she was angry again.

She didn't say a thing to me; she just scowled at the floor.

"Why did you do this?"

I think my mouth fell slightly open. She couldn't be serious.

"Claire.. You didn't seriously forget your own b—"

"That's not what I'm talking about! Why did you do ithis/i--?" she gestured with open arms not just to the food, but the blue feather that lay perched in the shelf.

That question bewildered me even more.

"Be-because, Claire… I-I love you." I almost used past tense.

"Now come on. I know you're upset and all, but can't we have a nice dinner tonight? It's been so long since we've really talked about anything and.. I miss you." I was on the verge of begging her.

"The food's a bit cold now, but I can heat it up real quick and it'll be fine! Just hold on a sec—"

"…'m not hungry…"

I stopped as I slid the noodles in the microwave.

"What? Claire, iplease/i, I just—"

"I said I'm not hungry!" she growled, her back to me.

"I'm going to bed…" she sighed, and quickly changed into her night clothes, leaving me to clean the food up.

Truth be told, I was more sad than angry. I was sad, and scared. I was losing her; I was losing Claire and I had no idea how I'd begin to get her back.

Once I was finished, I changed and climbed into bed after her.

I noticed she was sleeping on my side of the bed and it gave me a little spark of hope that I could start to try and make amends with her.

I shifted over to her slender, sleeping form and wrapped my arm around her, pulling her close.

Inhaling deeply, I noted she smelled different… Not like fresh air or animals or farm work.. It was an almost acrid, sterile smell. Then kind you got when you walked into a hospital or walk-in clinic.

I shrugged it off and kissed her bare shoulder gently before righting her shirt and pulling the covers more snugly around us.

She woke as the bed creaked and flinched as I put my arm back around her.

I leaned over to look at her face. She did not return my smile.

"Good night, Claire. I love you."

I felt her stiffen again and heard her whisper, "I never should have married you."

The room went cold and my heart skipped a few beats.

I retracted from her and lay on the opposite side of the bed.

I think that was the time I gave up.

I don't think I'd ever been so… confused.

I was sure at that moment our relationship was over, but some part of me just wouldn't let go of Claire. I still loved her, even if the feeling wasn't returned…

--

I kept wondering why she was looking increasingly tired and more so how she was bringing home that stiff, sanitary smell likened to medical buildings.

The more I thought about it, the more muddled it all became.

Until one day I found out why…

I was walking to the supermarket to pick up ingredients for my dinner that night when the door to the clinic opened.

"I'll see you… Tomorrow then? Same time?" asked, trying to smooth out his hair and adjusting his lab coat.

He looked haggard and tired, but wore a smile all the same. It was almost like the one he wore when my mother came to see him, but this one was a bit different, somehow.

Claire stepped out after him, looking just as frazzled. She took the and he offered her and stepped down carefully off the stairs.

I don't know what possessed me to do it, but I crouched down and hid behind the small bush nearby.

I thought I was going off the deep end. I was ispying/i on my own spouse! Granted, it was about damn time I got some answers as to what was going on.

"You should tell him, you know. Hiding it will only make things worse in the end."

Claire scowled. "He doesn't need to know. It's none of his business."

"You iare/i his wife, Claire." Trent said, putting a hand on her slender shoulder.

"Not you too, Trent…" she sighed, but not angrily. She took his hand off her shoulder.

"I-I just…" she crumpled forward onto his chest, her body shaking, which I could only assume it meant she was crying.

I was lost. What was she doing, being so close to the doctor like that? I forced down angry jealousy.

Slowly, he returned her embrace and it hit me like a ton of bricks—This was why Claire was acting so distant.

"I just can't do this anymore, Trent…! It's not working!"

"You have to give me another chance Claire, we'll make it work. Don't give up so soon."

She'd been out with Trent all this time. I couldn't believe I'd been so blind.

--

Weeks passed. I had packed my things from our home and moved back in with my family at the poultry farm.

I hadn't talked to Claire about what I saw. It seemed plain enough to me. And all talking would have done is get my head ripped off, so it was pointless.

I completely lost myself in caring for the household, like I had before I'd ever met iher/i.

I worked like this, seething right into the winter season.

I hadn't seen Claire since that day back at the clinic, and I no longer cared. I didn't have the energy to waste on worry when nothing ever came out of it.

She was probably fine anyway- she had a doctor to look after her now.

I'd visited the mayor yesterday after a long time of careful consideration and internal battling. I hadn't thought this town believed in divorce, but I'm sure the both of us would be the better for it.

I'd signed the papers right there in Thomas' house and asked if he could get Harris to take Claire's portion to her since I was awfully busy around my place.

Thomas looked at me long and hard, pity and sympathy emanating from him to the point I was almost drowning in it.

"Are you absolutely sure this is what you want, Rick?" he asked quietly, delicately picking up the forms.

I gave an empty smile and stared at my scrawl on the paper.

Was this what I wanted? Of course not.

Was I sure I wanted to do it…?

"Yes… Absolutely."

--

The next day, as I was brushing the nights light dusting of snow off the path to the shop, someone called to me.

I looked around in the gray, wintery town, but saw no one.

Great, I thought, now my mind is going on me…

I went back to sweeping before I heard the patter of boots on cobblestone.

They stopped at the entrance to the farm.

"Rick…"

I refused to turn around. I figured the way that she'd treated me entitled me to a little bit of iciness.

"What, Claire?"

"I-I… I got… The papers…" her voice sounded unsteady.

"Oh? Well, if you sign them off today, by tomorrow we'll be a thing of the past." I said, trying to be cool about it all, at least on the outside.

"…Why..?" I could hear the emotion in her voice and lost most of my bravado when I realized it wasn't anger.

I turned and saw her shivering form, white gloved hands cupping a browned egg.

I faltered at this image.

Just what was she trying to do? Now that I wanted a separation, she wanted to kiss and make up? Well it was going to take a lot more than wet eyes and food to win me back. She was my wife only in legal papers now… And even that, not for much longer…

"Why? What kind of question is that?iYou're/i the one who's been cheating on me all this time!" I growled, trying to keep my voice at a reasonable level so the old biddies in town square wouldn't have anything imore/i to say about my deteriorating life.

"What?" she squeaked, eyes wide.

"Yeah, I saw you and Trent a month ago. I mean, come on. Late nights, early mornings, not even wanting me near you? And let's not forget the icing on the cake— wishing you hadn't married me." I didn't recognize the sarcastic edge to my voice.

"Rick! I-I never cheated on you…! Never!"

"Then what about that last major detail, Claire? What kind of loving wife says that? It was a real confidence booster with all your rejections, let me tell you."

She flinched. "I can explain—"

"No, no! Don't bother. Don't trouble yourself. Just go off and do whatever the hell it was you were doing before, without me. 'Cause you seem to /i happier that way!"

No reply.

"… I've only ever wanted your happiness. Even now, when you can't stand to be around me, when you've gone and torn my heart to pieces and stepped on it, I only want you to be happy." I sighed. "… Less than a year ago… I thought I made you happy… I still wish I could but…"

I felt tears running down my face.

I almost never cried. In fact, I hadn't cried since my dad left. I had to be the man of the house then.

"Rick.. You still do…" Claire said, stepping closer. My grip on the broom tightened, not because I was afraid of causing or receiving injury, but because I needed to feel something real to assure me I hadn't gone crazy with loneliness.

"Please… Don't go through with this divorce…"

"Why? Goddess, Claire, why are you doing this to me?" I swept my hand up under my glasses to hide how badly my resolve to finish us was broken despite how hard I'd tried to keep it intact this far.

"Because I love you…"

Maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment, or just pathetic, but I all but threw the broom to the ground and grabbed the woman in front of me, pulling her tight against me.

Words can't express how happy I was feel her return the gesture.

"Claire…" I whispered into her hair. "What's been going on…?"

She looked up at me, sadly, but said nothing, instead kissing me, which I had no qualms in returning.

When we broke apart, she buried her head in my chest and explained everything in a few words.

"I'm sick, Rick…. I'm dying."

"You're….Wh-what?"

" That's why I was at the doctors so much.. He kept trying treatments and medicines on me to try and help me but.. It just wasn't working."

I didn't know what to say.

"And before that… I knew I was sick a-and I was trying to push you away so.. So that maybe it would be easier on us both… I thought I was doing you a kindness by just keeping it to myself… There wasn't anything you could do—nothing anyone could have done… I tried to make you angry at me… But you have no idea how much it hurt to see you so lost and wanting to help..! I shouldn't have married you because… I won't be around long enough t-to even…!" she stopped to steady the waver in her voice.

" 'To even' what?" I asked, stroking her hair.

She simply took my hand and placed it on her stomach.

"…Oh Goddess, Claire…"

We sank to our knees in each other's arms, crying in the cold.

Afraid of the future, and regretting the past.


End file.
